Piexelating the Self -- Braude -- Intermezzo

Community College:
Music School and California

Preparation for Vocational or University Work

As Victor Villanueva describes it, "The community college is torn between vocational training and preparing the unprepared for traditional university work" (68). Villanueva unveils the self-exploration period that community colleges can offer to students as they discover which subjects they excel and are interested in. He reflects on how his own community college journey fluctuated between classes: "Chemistry: a clumsiness at the lab, but relative grace at mathematical equations and memorization. French is listening to audiotapes and filing out workbooks. History is enjoyable stories, local lore from a retired newsman, easy memorization for the grade. Then there is English” (67). Villanueva recalls his experiences of English in the third person: “He'd write about Korea and why The Rolling Stones could write about conspiracies of silence, or he'd write about the problems in trying to get a son to understand that he is Puerto Rican when the only Puerto Ricans he knows are his grandparents; he'd write about whatever seemed to be on his mind at the time" (Villanueva 67). Community college was the stepping stone which led Villanueva into the arms of the University of Washington.

How I Got to Community College

My venture into community college was very different from the great Dr. Villanueva. My pit stop in community college came from a different place, but reading his book helped me reflect on how both our journeys led to writing and rhetoric. That being said, I now tell my story: I was accepted to multiple universities after graduating from my college prep high school and was prepared for university work. What wasn't ready was my passion for music: I applied to Berklee College of Music in Boston because after a summer songwriting workshop series, it was my dream to complete a bachelor’s degree in songwriting at Berklee. I applied. Had the worst audition. Was rejected. Sat on the floor. Stared out the window trying to figure out what I would do. My dad showed me different community colleges around the US and a few four-year universities in Canada that would allow students who completed transfer-track courses to achieve their degree from Berklee in four years: two on the track to Berklee and two at Berklee. I chose to attend Fullerton Community College in California with the plan to then transfer to Berklee.

Dad’s Pedagogy of Happiness in Response to My College Plans

"What is true for you and how do I organize myself so that that works?" was the question my dad said guided his parenting as I transitioned to college, especially when I wasn't accepted to Berklee. He was not one to say "will this make you happy?" because that wasn't the language he grew up with, and it wasn't a language he adapted in his adulthood. Instead, he showed his interest in my pursuits by recognizing and encouraging my talents. Money was not a factor he considered; time was not a factor he considered; location was not a factor he considered; he focused on what seemed to be my heart's "calling." Based on his experience of creating his own business after achieving his master's degree, he believed that a formal education was not entirely necessary to follow "one's path."

Where Their Differing Pedagogies Led

Up until my college years, my parents' pedagogy of happiness had felt woven together. But there was a rift forming, my father’s happiness stemming from action, meanwhile my mom’s stemming from words. The shift unfolded once I arrived in California.

Mom's Pedagogy of Happiness in Response to My College Plans

My mom did not favor my aspirations to study in California. Her pedagogical approach during my transition from high school to college was to offer her opinion, even when it was different from mine, based on her watching which communities I seemed to excel in the most. Therefore, she advocated for me to study music at a four-year institution where I would be surrounded by similar students to the ones at Mercy. One of her biggest concerns: "You were already well-prepared for traditional university work, so why spend time in a community college where you would not be challenged in a way that would grow you?" She knew the importance of following one's passion and having a community to do it within. She also knew the importance of a four-year degree.

The Unraveling

My parents' divorce broke my heart open, weeded through the rigid beliefs about happiness that tangled each beat, and taught me "to reach even a semblance of understanding of a life, [we have] to acknowledge both its light and dark dimensions" (Wider 71).

How the Divorce Affected My College Years

The divorce created a numbness, which made it possible for me to exist and move forward. There was a joyless bounce that kept me going to class and getting As, but my voice would choke and crack, and the songs I wrote were described by one teacher as "depressing." I felt a ridiculous sense of immortality. I thought, this has stung in painful ways I didn't know it could and I still survived, so maybe I can accomplish anything? Transferring to Berklee became less appealing because of the costly tuition, a big move across the country, and a lack of the "real music world" experience I craved. One professor told me, "Honey, if you really want to do this, then go out and play the streets, play the bars, coffee shops, wherever it is that you can play." So I completed my associate degree in music, didn't transfer to Berklee, got a job to pay my bills, and went to the "real world."

I went to the beach. For about 30 minutes, I sat with a plastic jar for money, an absurd white sunhat, a big ego, and my guitar. In that time, I was offered a cigarette, some money, a few waves from passersby and the ocean; then, I stopped and reflected. I thought of the story my life was writing, how the divorce had punctured the journey I had followed to be "happy," and how thankful I was to have that dream of happiness shattered—the dream that happiness was created from being "the best" in your profession, being well-known, being married, being a parent, and balancing all of your life in a way that had you going to bed each night feeling satisfied with yourself. I was left instead with a refreshing non-know-it-all perspective and questions. This led me to complete my bachelor's degree, studying music, writing, and rhetoric through an integrative studies program. And, next, to graduate school.